Not my own

I have been a musician (mc-producer) for about 10-12 years now, music is my favorite part of life !so as a result its been my drive in-life, my lover, my worst enemy, and at sometimes my God !

I recentlly realized that every area of my life was submited to God except this one...

Its always been like," I know Hes called me to do music so why do i have to ask him if thats what he wants me to do?"I mean I think im talented and people have told me that i am to further back up that thought, but...maybee just because im talented at this one thing that im really passionate about dosn't mean that i will ever be succsessfull at it (financally speaking!)

I have a wife now, a very dope friend and partner in life...my life is not my own now! Not only does my life belong to God first, it now belongs to her!

The oppurtunity has arisen as of late for me to go on tour with some not so famous/more famous than me rapper friends of mine (they have 20 citys booked)...I declined! The very thing I have been stiving for,dedicating my life to had finally arrived! I declined, I am not my own!! The thought of going all over the world and touring for less than nothing,while leaving my best friend at home to juggle school(full-time), work(semi-full-time),and every thing else life brings just is not acceptable!! I only want to do these things if she is with me not realisticlly possible! It was then that I realized that im not "called" to be a professional rapper,there is only one John Reuben,and as much as I love that crazy kid...Im not him!! very few people get paid in underground-christian hip-hop(God I hate the term christian anything!!!!!) Now I understand that its not about the $, but when your a husband, providing for your family is number one priority above anything else you have in your life!!!! It becomes your "calling",so if youre over spiritullizing your life and your family is suffering so you can chase your dreams, let me help you out..GOD SAYS STOP IT AND GO GET A JOB!!!!!!!!

I have been and will be a real m.c.(that stands for master of ceremony) and beat smith! untill the day i die!! My focus has just changed , i will go back to making music because I love to! And stop worring about making a industry friendlly album, promoting myself, networking, shopping my album, around and spending way more time and money than i have, and any other political bull terds that goes into making it in the "music-biz!!!!" AWWW FREEDOM SMELLS GREAT!!!

I AM NOT MY OWN!!!!

I m not sad at the thought of laying my old dreams and goals down for a new vision given to me from the very heart of my Father,There is freedom and joy in total submission to the giver of life itself! I AM NOT MY OWN and im very glad that that is the truth!

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds."--John 12:24

I am glad to lay down my life and let ALL that is within me die,so that others may know the reason that I gladlly lay it down!!!